Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
