Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
