I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
