My balls are so social today.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I need water and some morals
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
