names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
