Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
