I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
