life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
