I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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