oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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