I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
