dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
