This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
