so that wasnt chicken after all
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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