Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
