she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
