I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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