i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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