Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
