why didn't you poke me back
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
ugly people sure do ruin things
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
