So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
