We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
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