How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
