I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
