Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
