drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
