My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
