nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Also, beer. Big fan.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
