I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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