i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
