well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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