worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize