wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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