hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
