I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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