my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
