Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
