Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
