I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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