I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
