dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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