he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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