billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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