We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
