I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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