I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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