We're like a lot better than the average bears
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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