I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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