he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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