miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
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