Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
