My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize