So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
