2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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