I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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