do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize
