I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
