i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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