I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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