1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize