What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
