Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
