I can tuck mytits in my pants
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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