There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
