i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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