If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
