I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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