On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
