I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
