I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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