the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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