Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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