i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
We are two peas in an std pod
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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