Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
