this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
